By Vanessa T. Amidu
Two strangers can meet and become soul mates. Watching Mellow Creme’s video and connecting myself to the lyrics made me reflect on the power of tune. Music can touch places that hands cannot reach. I have heard other people complaining about their partners being clingy and wishing how badly they wanted to breathe. Lol. Are you sure this is the one? Believe me, when the right person comes along, you’d want them to be there to watch you breathe.
Sometimes I wonder why people stress out on what to do and how to make someone happy. It’s funny how a soft touch can stitch the wounds of the person in your arms and a firm grip can also equally demand you to stay at the mentioning of the words, “I love you”. But what is love? Is it found in the man or the woman and should it be worked on or it should flow effortlessly? There has to be something that makes a man and a woman stay together for more than 50 years and still look at their partner and say, “this one was the best prison mate I chose.” Who wants to grow old with you, laughing in your arms?
True love is beautiful. It doesn’t come with so much pain and exhaustion if it’s mutual. One of the mistakes we make is hurting others simply because someone else hurt you. Heal. Do not lead someone on when you not ready to take care of their heart. That heart deserves a good pump of blood and true love. I know what you are saying; “Urgh, women are complicated”. I will simplify the complicated in four words: Attention, Affection, Assurance and Security.
The thrust of the matter comes to this: what is your love language? How do you want to be loved? Honestly, if you do not love yourself, why burden someone else and give them self-blame about how to love you? It’s always easier to be loved truly when you also love yourself and allow the next person to hush your insecurities. A lot of people do not know how their partners want to be loved either. Do you feel like you are shooting blanks? This is the second time I have lol’ed! Not because it’s funny but these are familiar stories.
Gifts are other people’s love language. These people feel that when they pick something nice for you, they are communicating that you are special to them. Getting you something expensive is like saying you are priceless. Basically giving you something out of true love to them would mean sharing some parts with you that they see beautiful. Today we are not talking about “money can’t buy love”, such dogma. It is a great feeling to receive a gift from someone no matter how small. I’m chuffed every time I think that someone took time to think of me.
There is another special kind of people that overvalue attention. They are clingy, nag and want to be with you all the time. They want you to call them, tell them how your day looks like and that you love them despite the argument you had last night. May I not be giving any endorsement to possessive behaviours. That’s not what we talking about here. True love is not toxic. This type of people we are on about want your time, to feel special and know they do not have to wait in line. Anyway, who doesn’t want to be treated as a priority? We all do!
Love the shit out of your person! Excuse my French. I’m trying to say that there are people who show their love through sex. Now someone might say, no, sex is not a sign of love, people can still have sex and not love each other. Well, true but it still it’s a love language. Intimacy is deep connection and also soul tying, which is exactly why it’s better out of true love where you are sharing your delicious soul with someone. Ever met people who wish they can undo sleeping with someone after they break up? Well, this is because when others share sex, they believe they are giving a special part of themselves to someone else. They will never have sex or enjoy it when they do not feel deeply for that someone.
The last characteristic I want to talk about is of people whose love language is respect. They want to be treated like the alpha of the relationship at all times and often like their partners as submissive. As twisted as it sounds, we all want to be treated highly right? Like a king or queen. The good thing about respect is that it is earned and also given back. Respect given to one person without the other getting it back is not respect but fear. Know the difference. People in healthy relationships respect each other. Love is so beautiful and true when it is coated with dignity and it springs forth with integrity.
Now, I know there are different types of love languages I did not talk about. Honestly, at times it depends with the partner you meet and the energy they give. Other times it depends with the history of that person. Heal. Through it all, kindness is the best love language because we understand that different circumstances have made people turn out differently although this is never an excuse to abuse the chance to genuinely love someone.
I want true love
I need true love, baby
Call them tonight. Know their love language. Give them just that.